Ava

This past Friday evening we had the most frightening and stressful experience of our entire lives. We returned from Maine on Monday evening and the next day both girls and I woke up with a cold and pink eye. Thankfully Tony didn't get sick as he had to fly out the next afternoon to a pastor conference in Washington State. We were sick the whole time he was gone and were so glad to have him come home Friday evening.

Tony had been home about 20 minutes and Ava and I were in our bedroom changing the sheets on our bed. Ava was helping me straighten out the blankets and when were were finished I said, "Now it's tickle time" and I picked her up and tossed her onto the bed to tickle her. But she landed on her back and her neck did a whip lash motion and I heard a pop or crack noise. She put her hand on her neck and started crying a little on the bed and I said to Tony "Oh no, I think she might have hurt her neck!" He came over while I picked her up and held her against my shoulder as she was still crying a little.

Suddenly she slumped down on my shoulder and started making a gurgling noise and acting like she couldn't breath. There was saliva and air bubbles coming out of her mouth and her head was slumped to the side but her eyes were open. I told Tony "Call 911 I think she's dying!". My first thought was that her neck had broken. I laid her on the bed and she was looking at me and struggling to breath and I was straddling her and holding her neck still. Then her eyes glazed over and she was "gone" and I literally thought she had just died. I kept saying over and over to her, "Just breath baby girl, just breath. Jesus help her breath." It seemed like forever but it was probably only 15 or 20 seconds. I was just thinking in my head how to get her down off the bed and onto the ground without moving her neck so I could start CPR and she suddenly woke up and started crying. She lifted her arms up and tried to hug me but I was still trying to keep her neck stable. (We honestly believe that the Lord helped her in this moment)

Tony was still on the phone with 911 but I could hear the sirens from the fire trucks and ambulance. Ava was crying now and struggling against me trying to hold her neck still. I yelled at Tony to bring Lambie and his phone so she could watch Winnie the Pooh on it (her very favorite). As soon as he brought Lambie and I told her to hold still so she could watch Winnie the Pooh she calmed down. Winnie the Pooh can make just about anything better.

The fire dept and paramedics were there now, asking what happened. They first brought the back board in to put her on but she was afraid of that so we got her car seat and laid it down next to her on the bed and slid her into that while I held her neck. Then they put towels around her neck and taped her head down. Tony went with her to the ambulance while I grabbed my shoes and some diapers and wipes for Madelyn. I rode in the ambulance with her while Tony and Madelyn followed us in the car.

Ava was good all the way to the hospital. She was still watching Winnie the Pooh on Tony's phone until the battery died and then just looked around at everything and then she started pushing me (I was sitting on the gurney facing her) with her toes and smiling a little and I felt very relieved and started crying for the first time.

We got to the hospital and they checked her out and decided to do an x-ray of her neck and a CT scan. The x-ray was easy because they could just do it in her car seat but the CT scan was really hard for her. Tony went with her while I stayed back with Madelyn. They had to take her out of the car seat with out moving her neck and she was scared of all the strangers and the CT machine (understandably). She couldn't take Lambie with her and so she was crying until the nurse suggested that Tony get on the gurney with her and go through the CT scan with her. So Tony laid with her and talked to her and tried to get her to hold totally still for several minutes so they could do the scan.

She was too upset to get back in her car seat after that so Tony carried her back to the ER on his shoulder while holding her neck still. They were both still teary eyed when they got back, but Ava then went back into her car seat and had her head taped down again, but then she could watch some Blues Clues so she was ok with that.

Tony had called Gospel for Asia and asked them to pray while we were on our way to the hospital and several of our friends came by to see if we needed anything. We weren't ready for visitors at that point, because Ava was still pretty emotional, but it was so comforting to know that they were there and that they'd come so quickly to the hospital after hearing what had happened. And knowing that everyone at GFA was praying for us gave us so much peace in the midst of everything. We are so grateful.

Not too long after the CT the ER Dr came back to tell us that every thing looked fine. He said that they really weren't sure what happened but his best guess was that maybe the whip lash motion shocked her brain a little and kind of just stunned her. He told us just to keep an eye out on her and follow up with her pediatrician on Monday. And we'll definitely be doing that since I don't like not knowing exactly what caused things, especially when it results in not breathing!

But the story doesn't end there . . . after they discharged us we loaded up in the car and we were just so exhausted and emotionally spent we couldn't wait to get home. After being gone to a family reunion and then being sick all week there was very little to eat at home so we decided to stop in at Sonic on our way home for some dinner. We pulled in and turned the car off, got our food, but when Tony tried to restart the car to leave, nothing happened. The battery just up and died right there. We couldn't believe it.

So a couple of nice guys pushed our car back and one of them gave us a jump. Tony drove us home and dropped us off and then rushed over to the auto parts store to get a new battery before they closed, because our van battery had also died while we were gone in Maine and he hadn't had a chance to fix that yet since he had to leave for the pastors conference right after we returned. Thankfully, a nice guy at the store helped him out and they were able to install a new one before the store closed and it got too dark out.

So needless to say we've been taking it pretty easy this weekend and just trying to finish up recovering from our colds and the pink eye. The whole episode with Ava was the most physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting thing either of us has ever been through. Tony said that now he knows that the birth of a child is like 2 on the scale of emotionally draining events and for us so far Ava's deal was a 10. I can't imagine what it's like for parents who go through similar events and the outcome isn't good or so quickly resolved.

Ava is doing really well and seems to be none the worse, laughing and playing and being as silly as always. She did bring me one of her bracelets this morning so I could help her put it on her ankle "like hospital bracelet" she said, because they put her name band on her ankle at the hospital.

Through it all though there were many things to be thankful for, the fire department only being a couple blocks away and arriving within minutes, the kindness of them and the emergency room staff at Plano Presby, the fact that the Lord allowed the car battery to die after we got back from the hospital and most of all the Tony was back home before this happened.

I also learned an important lesson I think. Since Ava was born I've always felt like I would likely die or go insane if something ever happened to her. I would try to remind myself and pray about the fact that she was not really mine but God's. But in that instant, where I thought she had really died there right in front of me, the truth that she was not really mine became so very clear. One minute, she was helping me make the bed and playing and the next she was "gone." And for some reason it made me feel more able to handle it, if she ever really did die. I think because for one, I faced that terrible fear I had of her dying, even if was just for an instant and also because in that instant I saw how fleeting life itself is and that if Ava really was here one second and with Jesus the next, I could be ok with that. Eventually at least. And that there's really nothing I can do to keep her here with me if Jesus wants to take her home with Him. I'm thankful that Friday was not that time. I'm not saying that I wouldn't want to die or go crazy if something really did happen to her, but I know that Jesus would see me through it and now I have at least the hope that I could go through it and trust in Him at the same time.